I met Barry on Bumble. He is cute, successful, well mannered and just an all around gentleman who happens to still be married (although separated/not yet divorced from his wife with whom he has a child with). My understanding is his divorce would be final May 1.
I misunderstood…his divorce would be considered “uncontested” on May 1st. He hasn’t filed the papers yet. I never dated a separated guy before and didn’t realize it’s not a good idea to date a guy who hasn’t been divorced for at least two years. Apparently I’m the only person in NY that didn’t know this already. Now I know…..
I’d been seeing him for nearly five months and absolutely adored him…to say I was emotionally invested is an understatement. Granted I’d drop him like a bad habit if Dr. Hottie were available but that goes without saying…although I did just say it.
Barry is everything I want in a significant other….sweet, smart, funny, thoughtful, affectionate….but…apparently not “everything” being: emotionally available. Funny…just realizing maybe I’m not available either considering I’m in love with Dr. Hottie who is also not available. This is dating in New York.
We started with drinks, then dinner and drinks after work, then this led to weekend overnight stays…and things seemed to be progressing nicely. He kissed me at random times and showered me with affection. It was intoxicating.
He said just to have fun and no expectations….okay….I’m okay with that….
He introduced me to his friends and his child… I asked again….what he was looking for…?
He said nothing had changed. I was like, um, you introduced me to your child and a few friends and family! Apparently, he didn’t see this as a big deal.
Then he went to Iran to visit family. While there, he sent me updates and photos….missing me and what not.
I thought to myself…this behavior is not casual.
He returned….with gifts for me. Blanket and two big boxes of his favorite candy.
I’m thinking, this is boyfriend behavior, maybe he wants a relationship now?
Then it started….he was only available on Wednesday and Thursday nights….no weekend. So, I threw out an invite – a plan for the weekend.
Him: Oh love, my weekend is sporadically busy
Me: I guess timing is bad all the way around
Me: It was nice getting to know you but it’s time I go on my way.
Him: Are you quitting us?
Me: We are casual, didn’t want to invite you to dinner having you anticipate sex when I’m just breaking things off. We aren’t in a “relationship” so I thought it would be more respectful to not make you sit through dinner and a “break-up” from a non-relationship.
I was annoyed. He wanted casual. I gave him the casual exit which is way better than ghosting. Ghosting is worse.
And as I finished writing this post….my single friend sent me this NY Times article by Lauren Petersen who is over 20 years my junior yet somehow our dating experiences are pretty similar. Only I’ve got significantly less matches waiting…but enough to be distracting.
I did match with that guy I met back in 2009. Hah, he is still damn cute. We are going to meet up.